tides

Submitted by la miller on 18 October, 2009 - 22:42
photo: will mphoto: will m

The weather was great last weekend on the coast. The ocean's gentle breezes swept through the muck of my brain, body and spirit. The sand polished my feet and smile. The give and take of tides lulled me out of the high-stress overdrive that characterized my second week of full-time school. I took a deep breath and looked out as far as my eyes could carry me towards the horizon.

The thing about my little visits with the Pacific is that I'm reminded of all the vast number of possibilities that are out there. I internalize what my eyes see and my mind imagines — water stretching so so far away from me, so wide, so deep, so powerful. It overrides all the days spent indoors, my brain turning cubic.

This semester is about making the most of my opportunities — of exploring my potential. I have lived my life with only partial confidence. Enough to fool some people into thinking I know what I'm doing. Enough to fail and disappoint when I can't deliver. But to succeed in the exploration, I need to believe in myself with the steading pulse of calm surf. Even the tides can't stop the waves from meeting the sand.

Did I absorb enough ocean air last weekend? Will it carry me through the end of the term? Have I let go of enough distractions and miscellaneous crap? Is there room inside me to grow a constant conviction that I am capable of not just getting my work done, but of using my voice to say the things that need to be said?